This is a picture of our house from about 5 ½ years ago. We had a pretty strong start on building it, but as the farm grew and needed more attention, the house languished. Building occurred in spurts when we had either time or money to push ahead. It has been a long haul. Neither one of us are builders by trade, so we have been learning construction by trial and error, mostly error. There are only two of us, both middle-aged and broken from working or playing too hard. We aren’t the strong young 20 year olds we once were, or 30 or 40 for that matter.
Through the years of building, I have set expectations in my head for completion dates. By Christmas of 2021, fall of 2022, maybe May of 2023, July of 2024, surely by December 2024…..
As each time mark came and went, my frustration grew. I want to LIVE in the beautiful home I designed. I see it in my head daily, most of the finishes I purchased years ago and have waited a long time to see installed.
Don’t get me wrong, for two middle-aged, broken people with full-time jobs and a working farm, we have come a long way. But the anticipation of being in a beautiful comfortable home along with the time stamp expectations began to ruin the experience for me. I am ready to be done building so we can get out and have adventures!
I found myself thinking a lot about death right around the time of Samhain, which also marks the anniversary of losing Angus. I am not afraid to die, and I am not planning to anytime soon. My thoughts centered on living before death. Our life has been on hold for nearly seven years while every extra moment or scrap of physical energy goes to some building task. The last time we did anything adventurous together we went to Iceland in 2018.
Then it occurred to me….maybe building the house IS the adventure for this space and time. Maybe the more I fret about getting done and when it will be done so that we can start living – the longer it takes. Could this be the lesson from the Universe? For around 30 years, I have consulted the I Ching, the Chinese Book of Changes. The underlying themes within the lessons are patience, acceptance, and non-action in the face of difficulty. Applying that concept to my frustration over the house construction – I realized setting time expectations creates stress. It doesn’t need to.
I shifted my thoughts to letting go of expectations and anticipation, accepting that the house will be completed when it is meant to be – enjoying the ride instead of trying to rush through it…..
I don’t need to wait until it is done to live. Building it really is an integral part of our life now, and the life we are creating for the future. So I need to just relax and take it as it comes. Enjoy the projects we work on together. Maybe taking some time here and there to do something unrelated to building and not mentally beating myself up for all the other things we SHOULD have been doing. That’s my strategy going forward. Life is way to short to be on hold for anything.
